An Act of Volition
by Undeniable3Sapphire
Summary: A new case brings up repressed memories from Gillian's childhood that will irreparably tarnish the Lightman Group's previous notions about her past.   Warning: Child Abuse
1. Chapter 1

My first Lie to Me fic, enjoy! *Flashbacks are in italics

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"_We have to get those kids out of there," a young, fresh faced social worker stated with an undertone of determination._

"_We have no grounds to do so, Angela" Officer Mark Bryant sighed as if explaining to an eager child that getting a puppy was out of the question._

"_But they're being abused," Angela Porter continued angrily when Bryant made a show of protesting, "We know their being abused, __**you **__know". _

_Bryant, now finding himself at the end of a lot of anger and the center of a lot of questioning gazes, looked towards Angela and tilted his head in the direction of police stations conference room. Angela took the lead, bringing the two of them to the room with a trail of steps engrained with anger._

"_You __**know**__," she repeated once both of them were in the room and out of the hearing range of the other occupants of the precinct._

"_No, __**we**__" Bryant pointed between the two of them, "think"._

_Angela gave him an incredulous look._

"_Okay look. I believe that there is abuse, but you have to understand that there is no evidence to substantiate that belief" Bryant conveyed calmly, but his eyes betrayed his feelings of disappointment and shame._

"_What about the bruises, the cuts, the-"_

"_All of which the girl denies are a result of any abuse"_

"_She's lying-"_

_Bryant cut her off, "We __**believe **__she's lying. Without her or her brother making any statements alleging abuse we can't take custody"._

"_But the injuries alone-"_

"_She claims are from sports practice."_

_Angela sighed in frustration. "Are we really going to let them continue to stay in that house, with their abusive, not to mention alcoholic, father? With only each other as protection? For god's sake, the boy is only four."_

"_We have no other choice"_

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"You're wrong" Ria stated plainly but with obvious conviction.

Gillian hastily tried to keep up with Ria's pace, silently cursing her affinity for high heeled shoes. "Ria, you're not thinking rationally. You've allowed yourself to be blindsided by your emotions during the entire course of this investigation up to date. You need to look at the facts, I understand that your childhood-".

"You _understand? H_ow can you possibly understand?" Gillian stumbled slightly when Ria abruptly swirled to meet her head on. The other current occupants in the hallway looked on in shock, curiosity, and thinly veiled interest as the Lightman Groups newest employee stood off against their boss.

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_Angela Porter sighed and turned the door knob in resignation. She quietly stepped into the room that had been designated by the precinct for child interviews. The floor was carpeted, the walls painted a warm yellow, and toys lay scattered across the room. Angela quietly braced herself and turned towards the two children sitting patiently on the overstuffed coach placed to the side of the room. As she approached, the little girl and boy looked up at her and Angela could see the innocent sprinkle of freckles adorning the girls cheeks and the wide blue eyes of the boy. The façade of innocence was destroyed however when she caught sight of the cut splayed across the girl's forehead. _

"_Gillian, Robbie, are you ready to go home?"_

_Gillian nodded, stood up, and grabbed her little brother's hand giving it a light squeeze before helping him up. Gillian locked eyes with the inexperienced social worker, holding the stare while subconsciously straightening up._

_Defiance. _

_Angela crumbled and in spite of herself looked away. She took out a business card and placed it in seven-year-olds free hand. Only when she heard the sound of their footsteps join those of Officer Bryant, did she allow a deep sadness to infiltrate her eyes._

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"Look, its normal for you to be upset-"

"Oh, what are you going to do now, huh? Give me a lecture on abuse derived from one of your psychology textbooks? Tell me that I'm projecting? Well let me tell you that there was _nothing_ standard about my childhood," Ria approached Gillian, her demeanor exuding contempt.

Gillian sighed, knowing full well that nothing she said would make a difference. So she did the only thing she could, "You're off this case"

"What!" surprise registered on her face but quickly defaulted into anger. "You can't do that".

Gillian just looked on patiently.

"You _can't _do that"

"Can't do what?" Dr. Cal Lightman interrupted what was becoming the Lightman Groups greatest episode of interoffice entertainment. Only he tended to get Ria riled up, but even he had to admit that the anger Gillian had presently channeled onto herself was incomparable to any of his previous efforts.

"Can't take me off this case," Ria stated looking at Cal for support.

Cal distinguished the smugness that lay embedded within the anger and then shifted his gaze to his partner. Gillian was looking flustered but resolve flashed prominently within her eyes. Cal let his eyes wander over her posture and took in the form fitting red dress that she was wearing, slowing his gaze over her clavicle mesmerized by how her pulse was visibly pounding as an after effect of her hustle earlier on in _those_ heels. Just as he was about to focus his gaze on her legs, he caught Gillian's eyes and noted the amusement laced with impatience. Cal gulped.

"Right, then." He cleared his throat. "What's this about?"

"Foster thinks-"

"Stop" Cal interrupted hastily to the indignation of Torres, and with a gentle wave of his arm singled out Gillian, "Explain."

The Lightman Group had recently come under the employment of the 34th precinct after a particularly horrific child abuse case had the precincts Special Victims Unit scrambling without a foothold. The child in question was eleven year old Katelyn Martinez, the only daughter of alleged drug lord Alexander Martinez. The man was supposedly the head of a large branch of the DC drug circuit. The police had attempted to bring the man down several times only to be hindered by the depth of Martinez's pockets. Witnesses tended to recant their stories or suddenly fall victim to fatal "chest pains". Out of desperation, the detectives assigned to the case had shifted their focus onto the business man's private life. They had been looking for infidelity to break the wife's loyalty, but had instead discovered a broken little girl. Immediately social services had been called, but no progress had been documented. The girl had locked her story in silence, and without her cooperation the case against her father could not move forward. The injuries had been enough to persuade a judge to grant temporary custody to the state, but time was of the essence and thus the request for the expert services of the Lightman Group.

Gillian relayed all this information to Cal who quietly absorbed all the information.

"So they need us to get the bastard to confess, catch him in a lie?" Cal asked clenching his fists.

"No, they need us to get Katelyn to talk. Our reputation has apparently expanded from lie detector freaks to include interview/interrogation technique consultants."

"Oi, there's nothing wrong with being unique."

Gillian's eyes wrinkled in a brief smile.

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_Gillian held on tightly to her brother's hand while Officer Bryant led them out of the toy-filled room and into the adjoining observation room. She numbly listened while the officer talked with her parents and apologized for the inconvenience her teacher's inquiry had caused them. She silently watched as she saw her father shake hands with the officer, noting with slight interest the anger that flashed in the police mans eyes._

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"So, I get the complications of the case, but what exactly is the problem that Torres' has decided to express in yells rather than the more subtle, and might I add appreciated, micro-expressions," Cal watched in amusement as Ria attempted to bite back her objections.

"Ria believes that my more subtle methods won't work, and has decided to pursue a more _direct _approach."

"And this direct approach means what?"

"Apparently it means setting up Torres to be some sort of protective guardian, bullying others for their past actions or rather inactions." Gillian stopped when the contempt in her voice became too pronounced.

"Well go on then," Cal gestured impatiently.

"Well…Torres has already successfully antagonized the father, not to mention alienated the mother."

"Did they deserve it?"

"Cal that's not the point, the fact is she did it in front of the girl. How is the girl supposed to trust us, when all she sees is Torres reacting to pressure the same way as her father does, with aggression and violence" Gillian exclaimed.

Cal couldn't stop his eyebrows from lifting in interest at violence. Ria shrugged, "I might have been a bit overzealous with my handshake". A brief smile filtered across her face and her chest puffed out in pride.

"You sure she should be taken off the case, she might be the only one to relate to the girl, you know daddy issues and all. She could establish a trust; we're all in the same boat kinda thing."

"Trust me" Gillian softened her face. Cal quietly observed her, noted the conviction behind her decision, and then nodded gently. He resumed walking towards his office and with a dismissive wave over his shoulder, gave the final judgment, "You're off the case."

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_The formalities over with, Gillian stepped outside still holding onto her brothers hand and paused, allowing her parents to surpass her. She opened her palm and looked at the social workers message stenciled on the back of the business card in pencil, "If you need help, call me. Anytime." _

_Gillian gave the social worker a brownie point for using an erasable writing instrument to write that sincere if incriminating offer of help. However, when the wind came she freely gave away possession of the card. What good would it do her anyway?_

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So most of this chapter was just set-up, but hopefully this story has caught your interest. Please review and tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Okay, so this chapter was supposed to up four days ago but as luck would have it my neighborhood recently endured a particularly violent storm which wrecked havoc on the local power lines and killed my access to the internet. Anyway….Thank you to everyone who has reviewed thus far!

*flashbacks are still in italics

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Ria stormed into the computer lab, interrupting Loker's study of a recently retired French Diplomats last press conference. Loker had no idea what he was saying, but judging from how the older man's pupils dilated as he spoke, he'd say the old man had obtained desired pleasure but lost his business. He'd have to ask Gillian to translate later. Now fully distracted from his research, Loker decided to dedicate all of his attention to the now ranting Torres.

"He treats me like a little kid, doesn't even let me tell my side of the story. 'Trust me' what the hell type of argument is that. And he bought it hook, line, and sinker. Seven years. Is that how long I have to wait to be heard? I mean come on she couldn't even tell that her husband was cheating on her, I could see it, Lightman could see it! But Foster, blind as a bat. Yet he still trusts her judgment more-"

"Hey" Loker interrupted aggressively, "don't talk about Foster like that. You don't know her, or what happened in her marriage. Anger is understandable, but being bitter, bitter is something else."

"Oh, and I suppose you know all about Foster"

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_Gillian quietly stepped into the computer lab, and swiftly took off her heels before sliding down the wall to join Loker on the floor. Their shoulders brushed against each other as Gillian patiently waited for him to take the initiative. _

"_My dad called," the words were quiet, barely a whisper. Gillian looked over but didn't say anything._

"_You know I bet his secretary just dialed and gave him the phone."_

"_He didn't know?" Gillian replied in a voice as quiet as Loker's had grown, no demand for information present in her voice or in her intentions._

_Loker shook his head in the negative, and laughed sadly as a tear escaped his glistening eyes. "His only son and he still can't remember my birthday" Loker let his head fall against the wall, and closed his eyes with a shaky breath. Gillian put a gentle hand on his knee and squeezed._

"_You know he was never really there for me when I was growing up. He was always at work or between wives. I just…" He swallowed, "I just always thought that when I grew up, finished college, got a job he would notice me. Really notice me" A bitter laugh reverberated through the room. "I guess I was just being naïve huh, hoping my dad would be proud of me, put his faith in me" Loker swallowed. "I guess it was stupid of me to think that a man who thought bringing home a paycheck was the definition of fatherhood would remember something as irrelevant as his son's birthday"_

"_You're not irrelevant, Eli."_

_Loker scoffed._

"_Eli, you're a good man, an intelligent and honest man with a big heart. Your father is __**lucky**__ to have you as his child," Gillian gently turned his face toward her._

_Loker searched Gillian's eyes, both in hope and desperation, but left with confusion. There was something indiscernible in Gillian's eyes, like __**she**__ didn't warrant that same statement. _

"_Gillian, I know that I don't know a lot about your childhood, but I do know that you deserved better than what you got."_

_Gillian smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She looked down and when she looked up, gone was the sadness present only seconds earlier. Gillian stood up, slipped her shoes back on, and offered a hand to help Loker stand up. _

"_Come on, I'm taking you to dinner. It's time to celebrate!" A genuine smile spread across her face and soon Loker couldn't help but to smile as well._

"_Gillian?"_

"_Yeah, Eli"_

_Loker shyly looked at her welcoming face, "Thank you"._

_Gillian nodded and pulled him in to a hug, getting sure to give an extra squeeze before letting go._

"_Now come on, I hear Giovanni's has a new triple chocolate cake that is to die for" Gillian exclaimed in merriment. _

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Loker stood up, "No, I don't. But I do know enough to trust her."

"Trust, what is there a fan club now?"

"Yeah, and everyone in this building is a member, so don't go looking for a sympathetic ear."

Loker marched over to the door and slammed it open; he took no notice of Cal as he stormed out.

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After the shock of Loker's outburst had worn off, Ria resumed her pacing. She just couldn't understand why no one valued her opinion, least of all Lightman. She could never understand why he insisted on treating her as an immature trainee. God, she could just remember the time he told her she had no backbone. Well, he was wrong. She could stand on her own two feet, and not only make it by but overachieve. He was wrong. Yet again, maybe he was testing her. This wouldn't be the first time that Lightman had rebuffed her to garner an impulse to prove him wrong. She was right, and she was going to prove it.

With a set of determined steps, Ria walked to the cube. Katelyn had been escorted there by Child Services no more than ten minutes ago. Ria quickly grabbed the attention of a new intern and instructed him to record her conversation with the girl. Foster was wrong, and this was going to be her proof.

Ria calmly closed the door behind her and kneeled in front of the young, brunette girl shifting uneasily in her chair.

"Hi Katelyn, my name's Ria. We're just going to talk for a bit, is that okay?"

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"I put Loker back on the payroll," Cal stated flippantly as he stepped in Gillian's office.

Gillian looked up, surprise, confusion, then suspicion registered on her face.

"What did Loker do for you? Or rather what did you do to him?" Gillian stood up from desk and walked around until she was standing right before Cal. She searched his features for any micro-expressions that might have slipped past his control. Pride. Oh god now she was worried. The things Cal felt proud about varied greatly. Gillian groaned. The feelings Cal was currently displaying in reference to his employee might be a result of Loker solving a case or from Cal punching him out. Putting Loker on payroll didn't disqualify either, but Gillian prayed to god it was the former. Either the return of a salary was a prize for a job well done or a preemptive act to combat a lawsuit. Torres was already on the outs, and there was no need for Cal to aggravate the situation by creating disgruntled employees for Ria to recruit for her rebellion against authority.

Gillian frowned as she noticed Cal looking at her in amusement. She decided to go for the direct approach, the quicker she knew the situation the faster she could mitigate the consequences.

"Did you punch him?" Cal frowned; he didn't think his reputation was _that _bad.

"No. Did you cause him any other form of bodily harm?" Gillian was starting to scare him.

"Bloody hell Foster, I didn't harm, torture, or kill the man! I just reinstated him." He was visibly affronted. Clearly his reputation _was _that bad. Gillian still had a doubtful expression on her face, as her eyes darted left to right in thought.

"Then what _did_ happen?" Gillian's face had softened. Apparently she had cleared him of all charges.

"He defended you against Torres." Cal stated as if it explained everything including the purpose of life.

"Why would he need to defend me?"

"Torres still believes she's right and you're wrong, and has vocalized this belief to urge her co-workers into a mutiny," Cal's voice took a dramatic turn as images of battle conjured up in his mind.

"Cal" Gillian's smile widened.

"Sorry luv, got a bit carried aw- What's wrong?" Gillian's smile had disappeared and her eyes widened in urgency.

"She still thinks she's right…" Cal could barely make out the muttered words. "believes she's right...oh god"

Cal was left standing in Gillian's office with a bewildered expression on his face. He watched in trepidation as Gillian ran down the hallway towards the cube.

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Please, please review! This is my first Lie to Me* fic, so I need all the feedback I can get!


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you to everyone who has been reading, alerting, favoriting, and especially reviewing this story! All your support is very much appreciated :)

**x**

**Ria calmly closed the door behind her and kneeled in front of the young, brunette girl shifting uneasily in her chair. **

"**Hi Katelyn, my name's Ria. We're just going to talk for a bit, is that okay?"**

**x**

Ria swiftly pulled up a chair, as Katelyn hesitantly nodded her head in accordance. Ria noted the way Katelyn seemed to hug herself, her arms wrapping around her chest as if she was cold.

"Are you comfortable Katelyn?"

"Yes," though she shook her head no.

"Do want some water?" Katelyn declined.

"Katelyn, I just want to start off by saying that you're safe here. No one can hurt you here, I won't let them. Do you understand, Katelyn?" Katelyn's eyes widened in response, but Ria took no notice as she continued. "Katelyn, I promise you that if you tell me how your dad has hurt you I will put him in jail and you'll never have to see him again" Ria's voice took on a raw edge.

**X**

Gillian stopped abruptly in front of the monitor displaying Ria's unauthorized interview. She paused, and instead of interrupting the interview, sat down and started to observe. Cal arrived moments thereafter, seemingly more confused than before when he was left behind in her office. One look at the monitor explained Gillian's departure, but the fact that Foster herself was the one sitting in front of it killed his comprehension of the situation.

"Aren't you going to go in?" Cal asked dumbfounded. Hadn't she just run here to put a stop to this?

Gillian looked at Cal over her shoulder, briefly meeting his eyes before returning her focus to the screen. She started to explain in a distracted tone. Cal frowned briefly as he realized that Gillian's attention was no longer on him.

"Not yet, if I go in there now and start reprimanding Torres, Katelyn will believe she did something wrong and take the blame onto herself." Cal nodded before he reminded himself snidely that Gillian wouldn't notice.

"So you're just going to watch then Foster?" Cal continued on teasingly, "All work and no play, luv"

That earned him another glance, which he met with a cheeky smile. His smile started to wane however when it registered in his mind how much his life must be on the downfall for him to be trying to outshine a computer monitor.

Looking at the screen inquiringly, Gillian continued her assessment. "First I need to calm down and catch my breath. But the most important thing I can do right now is assess the effects Torres' interview thus far has had on Katelyn. Then I'll know how to approach Katelyn when I do go in. So far the interview has been pretty harmless, though Katelyn is feeling intimidated by Ria's presence and also insecure with the rage Ria is not so eloquently repressing... But that is a typical starting point. Many police officers have the same effect, especially when their own families are playing across their minds. But what's concerning me the most is that Torres is influencing Katelyn's responses. This interview won't hold up in a court of law if Torres continues to lead Katelyn's responses. We don't want some defense attorney claiming coercion."

"Brian, can you play back the tape to the beginning of the interview?" Gillian asked the apprehensive intern. It seems that he had walked into the crossfire of an interoffice dispute, and he was working for the opponent. He now wished he had taken his lunch break at his typical hour instead of staying late to further analyze the video of the mayor in a desperate quest for approval. Instead of getting promoted, he'd most likely end up unemployed.

"Brian?" Gillian softly tapped his shoulder.

Brian quickly fumbled with the keyboard and brought up the desired footage, feeling both like the idiot and traitor he must appear to be to his bosses.

"Fear" Cal stated blankly.

"Pause it right there" Gillian leaned closer to the monitor. Gillian watched closely as Katelyn embraced herself in a self-comforting hug and seemed to snuggle into the crook of her shoulder. Gillian got up and left the room. Cal just rolled his eyes at her departure. This was quickly forming into a habit. He watched Gillian approach Katelyn's police escort and strike up an inquiry. Foster was gesticulating with her hands while the officer nodded then motioned for Foster to wait a moment. The officer returned two minutes later with a brown, plushy dog. Foster thanked the officer with such enthusiasm that the man flushed.

"Foster, How old _are_ you?" Gillian's eyes just lit up as she returned to Cal's side.

"When Child Services came to pick Katelyn up, she was clutching this" Gillian looked down towards the stuffed animal now nestled in her arms, "they take it away for every interview so it won't be a distraction and means of avoidance".

"You think they're wrong?" Gillian nodded.

"Katelyn is in a glass box with pressure sensors attached to her body. She feels scared and alone. Ria is presenting herself as a mediator, not an ally. Katelyn's stress levels are extremely high, allowing her to hold onto something that gives her comfort could make her more susceptible to our help. Plus, frequently kids attach a special value, a friendship of sorts, to their dolls, stuffed animals, etc. Katelyn may be able to draw strength and courage from her puppy friend here," Gillian finished by holding up the puppy's face to Cal's.

"Adorable," Cal stated grumpily, "but how did you even know she had such a _friend_?"

Gillian just gave a pointed look toward the video feed, "She told me". Cal nodded.

With a hand placed at the small of her back, Cal gently led Gillian back to her seat as they resumed the playback, their new animal friend between them much to Cal's chagrin.

"Katelyn, does your father ever do something with you that you don't like?" Ria was increasingly more subtle, and Gillian noted more vague.

"I don't know…" Katelyn meekly replied. Ria slanted forward, taking the response as a sign of progress on her personal one-track mission. Gillian groaned and leaned on the table, fingers running through her hair in frustration.

"Are you alright, luv?" Cal asked Gillian hesitantly.

"Fine" Gillian retorted tightly. At Cal's raised eyebrow, she sighed and decided to clarify. "Torres is not being clear enough. I disliked driving with my father; he yelled and never thought I was doing it right," Cal thought of his own driving experience with Emily and realized where Gillian was headed with this.

Cal picked up where she left off, "Answering yes to the question doesn't conclusively indicate abuse, the question is up to too much interpretation. Even if Katelyn responded yes, the explanation behind it could very well be innocent."

"Exactly, a defense attorney would completely tear the testimony apart."

"It's alright, Katelyn. You can tell me." Katelyn looked like she was struggling to respond, and Ria proposed another question.

"Does it happen often?"

Gillian's patience broke, and her anger ignited. It was like setting a match to dry grass. "She's doing this all wrong.". Cal took his eyes off the screen and locked eyes with Gillian. "First off, Katelyn is a minor, a child. If we're going to make a little girl recount her abuse, we better make damn sure that it's going to be worth it, that it's going to make a difference. We haven't even established competency. The questions should start out general and neutral. Ria should be trying to establish a trust first; asking questions about Katelyn's life, her likes, dislikes, not just the abuse. Katelyn is more than a product of her abuse; I doubt she wants to be labeled as a victim." The venom of the last statement caused Cal's eyebrows to draw together. He was missing a piece of the puzzle, an instrumental factor as to how this case was going to play out. Before he could start his own line of questioning, Gillian had gathered up the stuffed animal and regained her composure placing a smile on her face. She had blocked out her emotions and effectively stonewalled him. Gillian entered the cube, and Cal mentally steeled himself for the repercussions this case was going to depart.

**X**

**X**

Sorry for the delay in updating, but rest assured that this story will be completed. A pretty unremarkable chapter action wise, but the next few chapters will have Cal and Gillian stumbling a bit in light of new revelations. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

Gillian softly, but firmly, knocked on the door of the Cube before slipping inside. She had already steeled herself for Ria's look of unabashed disapproval, and was therefore unmoved as she slowly walked up to Katelyn who was looking at her with wide, round eyes.

Gillian squatted down in front of the little girl, "Hi Katelyn, my name's Gillian", Gillian flashed a warm smile that visibly released some of the tension from Katelyn's shoulders. "Is it okay if I join your talk with Ria?" Katelyn shrugged her shoulders and Gillian gave her a sympathetic smile. She knew what it was like to be on the other end of the interview.

Gillian started to push herself up, but turned back as if she had recaptured a memory.

"I almost forgot," Gillian pulled the stuffed animal from behind her back, watching in happiness as Katelyn's eyes brightened. Katelyn immediately made a grab for the puppy, but pulled back at the last second with an imploring look of fear on her face.

The sparkle in Gillian's eyes dimmed, "It's alright, sweetheart, you can take him." Still Katelyn's hand shook slightly as she took her toy into her arms. Gillian knew Katelyn was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but decided not to indulge in empty assurances. Instead she pulled up a chair next to Ria and across from Katelyn.

"Her" Gillian and Ria both looked up at Katelyn in surprise. Katelyn continued, addressing Gillian, "Lucy's a girl".

A small smile graced Gillian's features. "Of course," she responded as if it were obvious. Gillian then started into a harmless round of questioning with Katelyn about friends, books, movies, sports, school, and of course Lucy, even supplying some of her own opinions and commentary. Katelyn's answers were short, but no longer monosyllabic. Just as Ria was about to resignedly slump back into her chair, Gillian started in on the more pertinent part of the interview having evaluated Katelyn as a competent minor.

"Katelyn, did anyone tell you why you came to see me today?"

"I-I don't r-remember," Gillian noted the avoidance and continued on.

"Katelyn, I know this is a scary room and you don't want to be here, but you _are _safe here. I'll even tell you a secret," Gillian leaned in closer to Katelyn and lowered the volume of her voice. "You see that camera over there?" Gillian pointed to the upper corner of the room, "It's recording our conversation and everything that happens in this room. "

"Like a movie?" Katelyn ventured.

"Yeah, like a movie" Gillian leaned back in her chair and turned her head towards Ria anticipating an inquiry from the younger women.

"Why did you tell her that she's being recorded? Won't that discourage her from talking to us?" Gillian was pleased to note that Ria's whispered query was more out of curiosity rather than admonition.

"No. Katelyn would have been informed of the recordings somewhere down the line, us telling her signifies that we trust her with this knowledge and also that we're not trampling on her privacy any more than we have to. She now knows the conditions of this interview and the weight that her statements hold. If she found out from someone else she most likely would have been under the impression that we betrayed her." Gillian explained, her eyes never wandering from Katelyn. Ria nodded and resettled herself in her chair.

"Are mom and dad watching?" Gillian shook her head in the negative, "No".

"Katelyn, why do _you _think you're here?" Gillian purposefully changed the wording of her previous question.

Katelyn looked at Gillian, her resolve crumbling. Her breathing became more pronounced and her eyes skirted to the video camera. "To talk about the bad things," Katelyn whispered looking down at the floor.

"What bad things, Katelyn?" Katelyn only shrugged in response, refusing to meet either Gillian or Ria's eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it." Gillian nodded, expecting this answer.

"Katelyn, are there any secrets in your family?"

"Y-yes"

"What would happen if you told someone the secret?"

"I won't tell!" Katelyn yelled, her glances at the camera more suspicious.

"What would happen_ if_ you told, Katelyn?"

"D-daddy would get angry" Katelyn fiddled with her hands, caressing her thumb in self-comfort.

"Does your dad get angry a lot?" Again Katelyn shrugged.

"Are there any things he does that you don't like?"

"H-he y-yells" Gillian nodded, encouraging Katelyn to continue, "H-he drinks a lot sometimes and gets very angry." Gillian involuntarily flinched at the mention of drinking and it was several moments before she could squash her emotions into impassiveness and continue. Back in the conference room, Cal was leaning forward in his chair staring at the computer monitor, puzzle pieces rearranging themselves in his mind.

"What happens when he gets very angry?" Gillian managed to let out with only a slight quiver in her voice.

"H-he hit-hurts me," tears started to streak down Katelyn's cheeks which she tried to hide with little success. Gillian swallowed deeply, trying to dissolve the lump that had formed in her throat. She didn't know what to feel at the girls final admittance.

"How does he hurt you, Katelyn?" Gillian felt the need to crush the motherly instincts reverberating in her body that were yearning to reach out and embrace the scared child.

"H-he teaches me discipline because I'm a b-bad girl," Katelyn was crying in earnest now and Gillian gave in to her compassion and knelt in front of the girl, bringing her hand to Katelyn's cheek.

"You are not a bad girl, Katelyn, I have no, No doubt about that," Katelyn gave a barely perceptible nod.

"How does he teach you, Katelyn?"

"He hits me," it was barely audible but it may as well have been an explosion.

Gillian gulped, hating herself for having to pry even further into Katelyn's vulnerability. "Does your dad ever do anything _with _you that you don't like? Does he ever play _games _with you?"

Katelyn whole body tensed but she nodded in the affirmative.

"What happens when your dad plays games with you?

"H-he t-touches me," Katelyn involuntarily hugged her stuffed animal to her, her knuckles turning white.

"Where does he touch you Katelyn?"

"M-my private parts," Gillian was barely winning a battle against sudden homicidal intent.

"Did he rape you, Katelyn?" Katelyn didn't answer but instead thrust herself into Gillian's arms and started to cry uncontrollably. Gillian proceeded to whisper soft assurances and platitudes, while rocking back and forth. When the sobs started to simmer into hiccups, Gillian proceeded to ask a question that had been bothering her from the beginning.

"Katelyn, where was your mom when your dad was hurting you?" Katelyn did not reply, remaining quiet, though Gillian had no doubt that she had heard the question.

"Was your mom there?" Gillian moved back slightly so she could look into Katelyn's eyes.

"Yes"

"What was she doing?" Gillian felt pain washing through her body.

"She was helping daddy"

X

It was only when she had safely locked her office door and pulled down the blinds that Gillian allowed herself to collapse onto the ground and breakdown. Even when her tears had subsided, she remained crumpled on the ground thinking over the horrors that she knew she had no chance of distancing herself from.

X

Two hours later, her door was unlocked and a fresh coat of makeup had been applied to her face. The blinds were drawn up, and Gillian watched somberly as Ria walked down the hallway looking completely dejected, not to mention defeated. If Gillian had been a gambling woman, she would have bet that Cal had taken all his anger and channeled it into reprimanding Ria.

Her anger with Ria had been lost, or rather pushed aside in light of recent revelations, and she found herself feeling sympathetic for the well-intentioned but faulty actions of her employee. This feeling was compounded when she noticed with slight panic that Cal was purposefully striding towards her office with a game face that spoke of utter determination.

X

Gillian gulped and made quick work of straightening out her already impeccable outfit. She proceeded to close her eyes and tried to muster all the tranquility and calm that currently held no place in her reserves. She opened her eyes just as Cal barged in through her door.

Cal walked cockily up to her, leaving barely a foot of breathing room between the two of them. If Gillian hadn't been claustrophobic before she certainly was now. Recognizing the insatiable and unrelenting glint in his eyes only made her feel more trapped, and she desperately averted her eyes looking for an escape. She was disconcerted to find that she had already been backed into her desk, and physical escape was impossible. She was only left with mental manipulation and distraction, to get out of this encounter with her privacy- her past-intact.

"You're hiding something from me, darling." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. And she couldn't deny it without giving herself away, so she tactfully decided to remain silent.

"Katelyn dredging up any childhood memories, luv?" Cal's question was accompanied by his signature lean and head tilt. The question was asked with a false innocence that Gillian easily saw through.

Cal carried on correctly anticipating that she wouldn't respond.

"What _was_ your childhood like, Foster?" The second the query left his lips, Cal let a silence linger into the room, letting Gillian make the next move.

Gillian proceeded to steer her mental wanderings away from nighttime beatings and morning cleanups (and cover-ups), to the happy, if rare, times of her troubled childhood.

X

"_Hurry up, Gill!" Robbie yelled up the stairs laughing._

"_I'm coming, just wait a second!"_

"_Hurry up!" he stomped his feet in frustration._

"_All right, all right," Gillian appeared before him in white shorts and a baby blue t-shirt, smiling in good humor at her brothers antics._

"_Ah, there's my princess," their father stated with pride, "now come on, we want to get there before its swamped with customers."_

_With that the trio exited the typical country home. A home that ironically ga__ve off a comfortable and safe atmosphere, adjectives that Gillian would never use in accordance to her childhood. The heinous and violent nature of the abuse Gillian and her brother had survived in there was a sharp contrast to the clean brick siding and crisp green lawn with blooming flowers. _

_It was a simple, classic house, typical to the rest of the quiet and peaceful neighborhood. It was structured out of a deep, red brick, with the only exception being the grey stone surrounding of the house's central window. The roof was constructed out of deep, grey slaps, held up at one segment of the house by white columns to form a porch that was perfectly inlayed into the side of the building. It was an inconspicuous house in an ordinary neighborhood._

"_What flavor are you going to chose Robbie?" Gillian asked playfully, knowing the excited response her question would provoke._

"_Chocolate. No, rainbow swirl. No, " and it seemed the metaphorical light bulb lit up, "BOTH!"_

_Gillian laughed along with her father, the look of an enlightened genius Robbie was now sporting would not have been out of place on the face of an individual who had discovered the key to world peace and eternal happiness._

X

Gillian refused to think of the drinking binge and subsequent broken wrist that had occurred later on that day. It wouldn't do to dwell on bad memories when Cal was analyzing and cataloging her microexpressions. Bringing pleasant memories to the forefront of her thoughts ensured that positive emotions would leak into her facial expressions, bringing a false honesty to the words she was about to speak.

"My childhood may not have been perfect, but it was satisfactory." Cal's eyebrows raised to new heights. He might not be the word choice and language expert in their partnership but he didn't think any wanker would have been fooled by that response. And despite the fact that he had seen happiness flitter across her face during her reply, he couldn't help but feel that it was tainted. Forced.

"I don't believe you, luv" Cal stated gently.

Gillian could sense her defenses slipping and irrationality settling in.

She had to distract him before he could continue. Stop him before he wandered into territory she didn't want him to explore. His ignorance was her bliss. There was no need to disrupt the status quo.

Gillian vaguely realized that she was panicking, she was breathing more heavily and her lips had gone dry. She licked her lips nervously. What was she going to do? She couldn't think of anything short of killing him that would stop his probing. She shiftily scoped out the room looking for someone, anyone to help. But it was useless, it was only her and Cal. Cal. She noted that his eyes were still on her. No, not on _her_. On her lips. _Distraction_.

Without any inhibitions or delay, Gillian brought her hand to the back of Cal's neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

It was agonizingly awkward at first, and Gillian wondered whether the women Cal had been with always had to do all the work, but soon Cal's hands crept up to cup her face and his lips started working against hers. Gillian wondered briefly of the significance of it only taking a _few_ seconds for the shock to wear off, but she quickly lost her train of thought when Cal's tongue slid across her lower lip requesting entrance. Gillian's hands slipped into his hair, as Cal's left slid to her lower back pushing her closer against him and his right skated to the back of her neck and added a new intensity to act. Gillian thought about why she was thinking at all and in that moment decided to surrender herself to the passion.

Passion?

Gillian blinked.

It was supposed to be distraction, avoidance, escape from questioning. She pulled back, taking a few steps away to regain her bearings.

Cal's arm slowly rose and he ran his shaking hand through his hair. He swallowed deeply before he spoke, "What was that?"

Hell if she knew.

X

X

In my defense, it took over a week to update because this chapter was a) the longest chapter I have _ever_ written and b) extremely hard to organize and write. That being said, I hope you enjoyed it :D Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Without any inhibitions or delay, Gillian brought her hand to the back of Cal's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. **

**It was agonizingly awkward at first, and Gillian wondered whether the women Cal had been with always had to do all the work, but soon Cal's hands crept up to cup her face and his lips started working against hers. Gillian wondered briefly of the significance of it only taking a **_**few**_** seconds for the shock to wear off, but she quickly lost her train of thought when Cal's tongue slid across her lower lip requesting entrance. Gillian's hands slipped into his hair, as Cal's left slid to her lower back pushing her closer against him and his right skated to the back of her neck and added a new intensity to act. Gillian thought about why she was thinking at all and in that moment decided to surrender herself to the passion. **

**Passion? **

**Gillian blinked. **

**It was supposed to be distraction, avoidance, escape from questioning. She pulled back, taking a few steps away to regain her bearings.**

**Cal's arm slowly rose and he ran his shaking hand through his hair. He swallowed deeply before he spoke, "What was that?"**

**Hell if she knew. **

XXXXX

Suddenly, a not so quiet cough reached their ears. Gillian's eyes searched out the source of the interruption.

Zoe

Oh thank god, people. _Escape._ Gillian almost sighed in relief until the word registered. People. Her eyes widened to a remarkable diameter. The last minute replayed in her mind. Cal questioning, her panicking. His lust, her desperation. Her kiss, his surprise. Interruption. People. _Witnesses_. Oh god. Since when was her life a segment of the romance novels she read?

Gillian avoided Zoe's eyes, but she couldn't help but notice the smug smirk planted on her face. Gillian closed her eyes tightly. This was just too surreal. She needed to either wake up or go back to dreaming, whichever she wasn't presently doing.

"What do you want Zoe?" Cal asked in a disgruntled tone after Gillian had hastily left the office.

"An explanation would be appreciated," venom was brutally apparent in her voice. Cal's hand tightened into a fist at his side.

"I don't have one to give, Zo" Cal stated flippantly, ignoring Zoe's glare as he moved past her towards the door. But Zoe was having none of it; she grabbed Cal's arm so tightly that his fingers started to tingle from lack of circulation.

"Don't you _dare _walk past me as if I'm negligible. I'm your wife!" Zoe eyes flashed.

"Ex-wife" Cal wrangled his arm from Zoe's iron grip resisting the instinct to rub his arm, he would _not_ be exhibiting any sign of weakness. "This is none of your business!"

"It _is_ my damn business. I have Emily to think about, I have to protect you for her sake!"

Some of the rage in Cal's eyes transitioned into amusement, and he quirked a eyebrow. "You think Foster is a threat to me?" Zoe seethed as Cal practically laughed. She would see to it that the glorified image Cal had of Gillian would burn and disintegrate.

"You really believe that she has never lied to you, that she will never lie to you?" Zoe retorted in a mocking tone.

"No," Cal stated firmly, completely nonplussed. A smile began to pull at the corners of his mouth.

"N-no," Zoe choked out, "and yet you're still with her"

Cal gave her a meaningful stare.

"You've already forgiven her haven't you?" Zoe's eyes were starting to glisten with the knowledge that Cal had opened up a part of himself to Gillian that he had never shared with her.

XXXXXXXXX

_Cal smugly settled himself haphazardly in the comfortably cushioned chair. He had to admit that the Pentagon had spared no expense for this Dr. Foster. His office had nowhere near the accommodations this room apparently warranted. Granted his position here was tenuous at best. He often felt like he was the little brother reluctantly kept around his older brothers group of friends because of the advantage his smaller size provided in some of childhoods more mischievous adventures. _

_Though, he was strangely wasn't resentful of Dr. Foster for her obvious acceptance in a place that so barely tolerated him. She was beyond competent, and kind and generous. An honest to god, good person. It felt like a breath of fresh air in this political atmosphere._

_He looked at his watch, ten past eleven. She was running late. She never ran late. Cal wondered at the worry that was causing his heart to beat just a tad bit faster. Surely this was not normal, he barely knew her, hell, she barely knew him and he was her patient._

_Three minutes later, a slightly disheveled and red eyed Foster walked into the room, leaning her forehead against the door before shutting it quietly. Foster turned towards her office dejectedly, and it was obvious to Cal at her startled jump that she had forgotten about their appointment. She quickly started to pull at her skirt, straighten her shirt, and wipe her eyes. Cal watched transfixed as she took no efforts to hide herself from his vision. Foster stepped towards the coach and sank into it as if the force of gravity had suddenly become too much to bare. It was rare when someone allowed themselves to flash honest emotion in front of him knowing his abilities. She leaned forward and took her head in her hands, her fingers burrowing into hair._

"_Have you been waiting long?" her voice was hoarse and scratchy but he dutifully ignored it._

"_No" he lied so quickly that it took him by surprise._

"_You're lying" Gillian spared him a glance in curiosity. _

_Cal shrugged uselessly. Gillian seemed to snap out of the stupor she had fallen into. She cleared her throat and sat upright._

"_So, any developments in your life since last session?" Gillian cringed at the lame question. She was off her game. "Sorry, maybe it will be better if we reschedule this session for later, do you have time on Wed-"_

"_Are you okay, luv?" Cal interjected and Gillian locked eyes with him, and shook her head in the negative before looking away. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_Gillian laughed out of the pure irony. "You're not trying to take my job are you? Taking advantage of me while I'm down? I know that you like my office," she teased though her eyes still gently glistened. _

_Despite the fact that he knew she was joking, Cal was still surprised she had noticed his appreciation of the office. "Nah, luv, I'm more cunning than that." Cal smiled and they lapsed into a comfortable silence._

"_Have you ever wondered whether if you had just spent five more minutes talking with someone, just asked him whether he was alright one more time, refused to take "fine" as an answer, you would have been able to keep him just one step shy of the edge?" Gillian looked over at Cal, agony sprawling across the expanse of her face._

"_What happened luv?" warning bells were ringing in Cal's mind, the expression was one that he had reviewed many a time in the solitude of his office._

_Gillian continued on, making no sign of having heard the question. "He left a note thanking me," she laughed harshly, "saying the only reason he lasted as long as he did was because I cared, but he couldn't allow himself to be a burden onto me anymore if he cared back. How fucking ironic."_

_Cal moved so he was crouching in front of her. Today was turning out to be a day of the unexpected. Gillian was quickly losing her awareness of her surroundings, now muttering to herself about patient confidentiality, trust, and some other things Cal couldn't quite decipher. _

"_Dr. Foster! Doctor!" Cal yelled cupping her face in his hands trying to reestablish reality. "Foster! Gillian, Gillian!"_

_Her head jerked as if waken from a slumber, and Cal gently stroked her face with his thumb. "I'm sorry," Gillian whispered sincerely. Cal pulled her into an embrace, and after a few moments she returned the embrace. _

_After an indeterminate amount of time, Cal eased himself out of the moment and settled himself next to her on the couch. "When did he kill himself, luv?"_

_Gillian sighed and pulled herself together, gone was the vulnerable women of seconds past. In her place was a sad professional. "This morning with the sleeping pills _I _prescribed."_

"_Not your fault luv" Gillian turned her face away but Cal guided her gaze back to him. "It's not your fault, and it wasn't mine."_

_Confusion replaced sadness until the puzzle pieces clicked._

"_Your mother," Gillian whispered looking into his eyes. Cal didn't question how she figured it out, just nodded._

"_When I was in college," it was Cal's turn to look away. He prepared himself for the questions, the scribbled note in the margins of his evaluation form, the look of pity or worse false understanding, but Gillian only looked in his eyes as if _their_ salvation laid within its depths. Then, once again, he found himself enveloped in her arms, a sigh of relief escaping his control. _

"_Come to lunch with me," Cal asked. _

_Her lips parted in surprise, "Mr. L-Cal, you're my patient."_

"_Not anymore. I'm putting in my resignation tomorrow."_

"_Still…" Cal could easily discern the hesitance._

"_Consider it a learning opportunity provided by the world's leading deception expert or the start of a new friendship," Cal persuaded, showing more of his emotions than intended. Gillian slowly nodded and smiled genuinely for the first time that day._

_A week later Cal had offered her a partnership at the Lightman Group, and she couldn't help but think that what had been revealed that day had granted her a rite of passage into his heart._

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Well, prepare to be disappointed" Zoe slapped a file onto Cal's desk, her voice acquiring a bitter edge.

"Remember that phone call you gave me earlier today, well this is what I dug up. Your welcome." Zoe left, her heels creating a harsh sound against the marble floors.

Cal cast a worried glance at the rather thick file in front of him. Curiosity and shame infiltrated his eyes at the files innocuous label: _Jillian Michelle Dubois-Foster. _

_XXXXXXX_

_Apologies for disappearing for 2 months, but let me just say that junior year in high school is exactly the hell its rumored to be. Rest assured, though, that this story __**will**__ be finished even if in a not so timely fashion lol _

_AN: Jillian is not a typo, the significance of the name variation will be explained later on. _


	6. Chapter 6

"**Well, prepare to be disappointed" Zoe slapped a file onto Cal's desk, her voice acquiring a bitter edge.**

"**Remember that phone call you gave me earlier today, well this is what I dug up. Your welcome." Zoe left, her heels creating a harsh sound against the marble floors.**

**Cal cast a worried glance at the rather thick file in front of him. Curiosity and shame infiltrated his eyes at the files innocuous label: **_**Jillian Michelle Dubois-Foster. **_

_**X**_

Cal hesitantly ran his finger over the label, the gravity of his actions not lost on him. Though, he felt like he had been left with no choice, it was either find the answers himself or remain in the dark forever. And he didn't believe that he could remain ignorant when it came to his best friend. Probably former best friend if she found out about this, and he knew she would.

He looked toward the ceiling, as if already seeking forgiveness for his invasion of Gillian's privacy.

He wondered how much he really didn't know. Gillian knew about his father, his mother, most of his childhood. Sure he had secrets, but most of his grandest and darkest secrets held a place in both of their hearts, not just his own. It was disconcerting to find out that he was basically best friends with a stranger. No, no that sounded wrong. She wasn't a stranger, no matter what skeletons rested in her past, _his_ Gillian was genuine. Her love, her smiles, her caring _were_ real. Their friendship _was_ real. Cal would not budge in that regard. Gillian might be a mystery, but no matter what lay in the file, she was going to remain the same person to him now that she was before. His best friend, his confidant, and the sole object of his affection. _Unobtainable_ object of his affection.

Realizing that he was holding his breath, Cal slowly exhaled. There was no turning back after this.

Cal opened the file quickly-like ripping off a Band-Aid. Though, somehow, he felt as though the pain that was going to envelope his heart was of an infinitely larger magnitude than any adhesive layered piece of cloth could inflict.

A stack of papers clipped to each side, the folder was no light read. Cal's eyes shifted left to right, absorbing the sheer number of pages. His eyes were immediately drawn to the 6 by 4 inch photograph that was his first foray into Gillian's childhood. She looked about six and was smiling, but there was no wrinkling around the eyes. Her eyes lacked the sparkle of innocent youth. The photograph didn't exude any of the happiness or optimism that was characteristic of his Gillian. Yet the slightly curly hair, the sprinkle of freckles across her nose and cheeks, it was undoubtedly Foster.

Cal went through the rest of the file in a haze, flipping through hospitalizations, emergency room visits, three visits from social services- each respectively attached to a report claiming inconclusive evidence of abuse- and the list continued. His fists clenched and his jaw stiffened. He was angry, at Gillian for not sharing any of this with him, not trusting him enough, but mostly he was angry at himself. For all his talents for uncovering the truth, he was just as clueless as a preschooler.

Her father had been a police officer. She was a cops kid, how could he have missed that. No not just that, Cal read further, an ex-military cop. Her posture, it was always rod straight. Her clothes, always immaculate. By-products of an upbringing in which respect was founded on appearance and impressions. Project an image of a perfect family, and no one will think twice about a small twitch at a fathers touch of a shoulder or pat on the head. How could he have missed a military upbringing. Sure she was his blind spot, but he thought that meant a little blurriness not a blackout.

Cal leaned back in his chair. He had skipped all pictures depicting the physical signs of abuse, he figured that was stomping on an already crossed line of decency.

He was so focused on his self-deprecations that he missed the sound of clicking heels entering the room, and only grew aware of another presence in his office when he was unceremoniously shoved onto the floor and looking Gillian straight in the face certain that there were literal sparks at the ends of her hair.

XXXXX

I want to thank everyone who has reviewed thus far and hope you will continue your generosity and leave some more lol. Trust me, they are heavily appreciated. I have half of the next chapter written already so I'm hoping to get another chapter posted by Thanksgiving! Thanks again to everyone reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**He was so focused on his self-deprecations that he missed the sound of clicking heels entering the room, and only grew aware of another presence in his office when he was unceremoniously shoved onto the floor and looking Gillian straight in the face certain that there were literal sparks at the ends of her hair. **

X

"Oi, that hurt" Cal grumbled and he massaged the back of his head.

"It was supposed to" hands on her hips, oh-uh. Cal pulled himself up onto his knees, and with his back cracking, stood up. His hand immediately went back to his head as his eyes widened than retracted back to normal size. Nope, the ends of her hair still appeared to be sparking threateningly and he could see some of that fire had ignited in her eyes as well. Maybe he _had_ hit his head-there was nothing wrong with wishful thinking after all. He hesitatingly asked "Are you mad?"

"Of course I'm mad, Cal. I'm more than mad. I've planned out three ways to kill you and four places to bury you. I'm mad Cal. Mad, angry, fuming, irritated-" she stopped to take a breath, "livid, and homicidal." Now he was worried, besides the fire in her eyes, her face unreadable. Uh-oh. And bloody hell she had that damn crease on her forehead that he hated so much-the one that all the women in his life seemed to correlate with his presence.

"H-how could you!" she threw the folder at him, watching with satisfaction as guilt went through him like a bolt of lightning. "It's my past Cal, _my _past! It should be my decision to share it or not! Did I ever push you, huh? Did I?"

Cal opened his mouth to answer but realized he had no leg to stand on. Gillian had been the one person who _hadn't _pushed him.

"No but-"

"No, there is no 'but' Cal. This isn't some gambling debt that can just be swept under the rug with a shot of vodka and a its-just-in-my-nature smile!" Cal swallowed harshly. His gambling being the lesser of two evils didn't bode well for him. He dropped his cavalier act and instantaneously became somber.

"I'm sorry lu-"

"No, Cal. You don't just get to say sorry and expect me to forgive you. I trusted you goddamit! First you corner me and when that didn't work you just fucking got your _ex-wife _to dig up my file. _My _file Cal!

"I called her _before_!"

"_Before_?" she whispered, "Before you confronted me, before you kissed me?"

"Hey now, you kissed me not the other way around" Gillian disregarded the comment with a flick of her wrist. "You called her before even _trying _to speak to me?" she turned her accusing eyes on him.

Bloody hell, I'm digging my own grave here. One look back at her eyes. Hell forget digging, I've just taken the shovel and slammed it against my own head.

"I've tried Gill, I've bloody well tried over the years. I _believed _you when you said that yours had been a happy childhood" it had made _him _happy that she had had a joyful adolescence unlike his own, made him happy that the world had gotten at least one thing right. But she had _deceived_ him.

"You're a great liar Dr. Foster" Gillian didn't take it as a compliment as it wasn't meant to be, but as an assault on her character.

"Depends on the lie Lightman" throwing back old words in his face.

"Who are you protecting this time Gill, your father? Huh-you protecting your father after all this years?"

"Stop it Cal" her voice was hard and unwavering, and her hand straightened at her side into the universal sign for 'stop'. But Cal was relentless in his pursuit-they were ending this here and now.

"Who you protecting luv? " he spat "cause it sure as hell isn't me. Who Gillian?" He was standing less than a foot away now, his face red, pulse racing.

Gillian turned away from him, and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "_Me,_ Cal. I'm protecting myself" she looked toward him, a tear had slipped past her eyelashes and ran across her clenched jaw. "And you had no right-NO right-to read that file. No right to take away that part of me!"

"Part of you, Gillian?" Disbelief.

"We are the collection of our secrets, Cal. And this was _my _secret, MINE" the anger was coming back, and he acted quickly to preempt it.

"No darling, we are the sum of the people that love us- the people we _trust_ with our secrets" His eyes searched hers desperately.

"_Should _I trust you Cal?" It wasn't an allegation, Cal noted shamefully, it was an honest to God question that she didn't believe she knew the answer to.

"Do I really need to answer that luv?" His thoughts were swimming to undesirable locations. He was losing her. He deserved it he knew, but he didn't think the question was one-sided. He wasn't innocent by any stretch of the imagination, but she had let him down too. He knew that it wasn't fair to believe that, but he couldn't help but remember the feeling of his heart being stabbed when all that what had been hidden was revealed. So here they were, at a standstill. Both of them felt justifiably betrayed.

"Yes" the word hung in the air between them.

XXXXXX

Thanks for reading, and please review!


	8. Chapter 8

"_**Should **_**I trust you Cal?" It wasn't an allegation, Cal noted shamefully, it was an honest to God question that she didn't believe she knew the answer to. **

"**Do I really need to answer that luv?" His thoughts were swimming to undesirable locations. He was losing her. He deserved it he knew, but he didn't think the question was one-sided. He wasn't innocent by any stretch of the imagination, but she had let him down too. He knew that it wasn't fair to believe that, but he couldn't help but remember the feeling of his heart being stabbed when all that what had been hidden was revealed. So here they were, at a standstill. Both of them felt justifiably betrayed.**

"**Yes" the word hung in the air between them.**

"Gillian…" he appealed with the look of a puppy that had been hit over the head with his favorite squeaky toy. He didn't know what to say. What, if anything, could rectify the situation. He was a gambling man, and he had gone all in, in the hope that Gillian would understand, if not forgive, his actions.

Gillian felt a twinge of regret for her question that only made a new wave of anger wash over her. She had no reason to feel guilty, right? Right. Gillian sighed, annoyed that her completely justified anger was evaporating away more quickly than it should. He had violated her privacy, and crossed The Line irreparably. How was she to work with him now? Was she going to constantly have to look over her shoulder to make sure he wasn't snooping through her mail, reading her diary, or whatever else may occur to him in the name of _protecting her?_ Couldn't he see that in trying to protect her he was hurting her. Such a hurtful thing under the guise of irreproachable good intentions. She could _see_ that his intentions were pure, but goddamn it Cal, this was the one thing she could not easily forgive. Or maybe forgive at all. The tears started to pool into her eyes once again and she bitterly swiped them away.

Cal stepped closer shedding his mask. Pure, heart-wrenching honesty was the only thing he had to offer her now. No concealing, no avoidance, no more hiding like a goddamn coward. But he wasn't the only one hiding, though Gillian was only hiding from _him_ not the world.

Cal couldn't help wondering that if they hadn't been this close to each other he would never have been able to hurt her so badly and she wouldn't be able to cause such a pain in his chest. _Hadn't_ _been _this close. Past tense. Gillian would tell him that this verbal tense was a strong indicator of regret and resignation. His Gillian would mention the self-pity in his thoughts and tell him to get himself an orange slushie with a dash of gratitude. His Gillian was pure, innocent, and the epitome of goodness. However, as evidenced through the file of one **J**illian Foster, his Gillian was more fragile and perhaps broken than he ever led himself to believe. Her anger he could deal with, thrive under even, but her sadness choked the fight out of him. Angry or resigned, he still couldn't find the words to put them back together again.

"Lost your words Cal?" She had been hoping that he would fight for her, conquer the one person holding her back- herself. But it seemed like he was just ready to throw in the towel, the bastard. After all the fight she had put in to keep him above ground, he was unwilling to even justify her trust in him. Cause screw all reason, she trusted him. This recent event, of course, had hampered her confidence in him- how could it not. But why then did she still feel like she could look him straight in the eye and find happiness, love? Maybe she was happy that he had found out without her saying anything. Maybe, she was an idiot. Always placing trust in the people most capable of hurting her.

Words. Cal searched for an answer to this situation, but none was forthcoming. He didn't want to face the truth, but it seemed stubbornly unavoidable. She shouldn't trust him-he was a different person around her. Sometimes he swore he was everything she needed, wanted him to be; though lately all he seemed to be was her tormentor. She shouldn't trust him. Shouldn't-Cal stumbled slightly and wonderingly looked at Gillian's face.

"You said 'should'"

Gillian sighed, "Yes Cal, do you want me to define it for you?"

"You asked 'should' you trust me, not that you don't already."

It was true, but hearing it come out of Cal's mouth angered her. He was supposed to convince her he was worthy of said trust, not manipulate the situation around so that the problem lay before her feet instead of his.

"I swear to God Cal that if you put this all on me, then I will walk out and not come back. I will not take another man in my life abusing my heart. Trust, loyalty, lo-friendship-doesn't matter, it's not worth what I'm feeling right now. Betrayal, loneliness, confusion, anger, sadness. It's not worth it, Cal."

"So what, I'm the bad guy now darling?" He spat, then flinched.

Gillian reacted before he could take back his words, "No Cal, you're the wrong guy".

"You don't mean that Gill." She _couldn't _mean that.

"Don't I?"

"No you don't. You kissed me Gil, and you felt something. I know you did."

So it was back to that. Gillian shifted defiantly. "Yeah, desperation"

"No. Well yeah… but more than that" he moved closer. His fingers reached out and stroked her cheek "You r muscles relaxed" his fingers brushed over her eyes "Your eyes closed"

"Cal" she wanted him to stop, this was becoming too intimate, too much like fantasy. And fantasy was fantasy for a reason, it had no place in reality. But Cal persisted, ignoring her request or perhaps heeding an unspoken one. The one her heart wanted her to succumb to but her mind sensibly resisted. Goddammit, she wanted an apology-wanted some sense of remorse, humility.

His finger dragged down on her lower lip "Your lips turned up into a smile" he looked up at her searchingly "It was more than desperation luv". Damn him.

"N-no-" he put his finger back to her lips in a shushing gesture. Gillian looked down and away, thoughts running rampant among the chaos in her mind. Coming to a realization her shoulders stiffed and her mouth hardened into an impasse. Her voice was confident and strong when she spoke, "And?"

Cal stumbled slightly over his confidence. She looked….combative. It was sexy as hell but overwhelmingly distressful. He felt as if he had lost his momentum, he was the one on the defense now.

"And what...?" he let the latter word drag out hoping to find a new battle plan.

"What did you feel Cal?" he gulped so hard he wheezed slightly and as she practically sung the next part. " It's time to kiss and tell." Cal had a moment of clarity, with a lit tunnel and everything, and_ knew_ Gillian Foster was going to be the death of him….and he would go down willingly.

XXXXX

Sorry for the long wait, more to come soon! Please review, it makes me smile :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Cal stumbled slightly over his confidence. She looked….combative. It was sexy as hell but overwhelmingly distressful. He felt as if he had lost his momentum, he was the one on the defense now.**

"**And what...?" he let the latter word drag out hoping to find a new battle plan.**

"**What did you feel Cal?" he gulped so hard he wheezed slightly and as she practically sung the next part. " It's time to kiss and tell." Cal had a moment of clarity, with a lit tunnel and everything, and**_** knew**_** Gillian Foster was going to be the death of him….and he would go down willingly.**

Gillian slowly moved even closer to him, and he numbly moved back until he hit the wall. His breathing was now shallow and coming out in quick gasps. But he couldn't hear his breaths; his heart was pounding too loudly. How had he lost the upper hand so spectacularly?

She moved towards him, her lips parted. Cal felt all the nerves in his body pulsate, and his hearing cleared as his heart skipped a beat and his breathing stopped. She was going to kiss him and he was tempted to pinch himself to make certain that he wasn't hallucinating. Maybe he had completely lost it but she, Gillian, was going to….whisper in his ear?

"So tell me Cal, did you enjoy it?"

Cal swallowed uncomfortably, knowing that she knew that he had been fooled. So this was how it felt to be the mouse in cat-and-mouse. He was the prey, and he was at her control. Damn. He owed Gillian an apology, that he would give…later. When it wouldn't be considered an act of weakness.

"This isn't you Gillian," the best defense was a strong offence.

"How do you know, Cal? Maybe this is the real me. Without the denial…regret…" she ran a finger down the center of his lips. "Stop deflecting and tell me how you feel in here?" she put her hand over his heart, her warmth emanating throughout his chest.

"This isn't the Gillian I want"

"Well this is the only one available, Cal" She moved back pushing off his chest. "Maybe you never knew the real me"

"You saw to that didn't you?" Gillian flinched and her mask slipped momentarily. That hurt.

"The problem Cal, your weakness" she emphasized the word relishing its impact, "is that your ability, your "perception" is only based on the seen-the tangible. You only discover the truth when you find its counterpart, and you only find deception when you ask the right question. And why would it occur to you to ask about something you haven't seen".

"You think I'm naive, is that it?"

"You've had me on a pedestal since we met at the Pentagon. Good to a fault, uncorrupted _girl_."

"Not a-"

Gillian sighed and her shoulders relaxed. The desire to fight had abandoned her. "Not a girl. Face it Cal, every time I drink a slushie and finish a pudding cup, you think of innocent childhood."

"Am I wrong?"

She sighed.

"It's not remembrance," her throat caught and her voice filled with the weight of unshed tears, "its longing." She sighed and sat down. Her elbows drifted to her knees with her hands supported her head. A shiver ran through her body and she was powerless to stop a few tears from running.

"Please leave" she choked.

She heard footsteps, and the walls seemed to only move further inward.

X

Cal walked out of the room feeling like a complete bastard. But he couldn't shake the feeling that he was making everything worse.

The way she had confronted him, that wasn't something his best friend of seven years would have done. He had dragged her down into the fire, and despite all his well-intentioned, if not misguided, attempts she had still ended up burned.

He wondered how it was possible that in the end, Gillian had ended up knowing more about him than he about her. Zoe would probably laugh at him, loving the irony of it all.

Cal stopped. There was nothing like his ex-wife reveling in something that made him want to prove her wrong.

If Cal had faith in anything it was the impenetrability of his friendship with Foster. And based on Gillian's questioning, maybe something more than friendship.

Cal turned around determined to straighten things out, his happiness and possibly Gillian's happiness were reliant on his not screwing this up. As he reentered the inner sanctum of Gillian's office Cal took no notice of the knowing glances of his employees walking through the hallway. They after all could read micro-expressions, and for once there was no mask in place to dissuade them.

X

Gillian barely looked up as Cal returned, and remained in silence as he paused in the center of her office and just stood there taking in what a wreck she must have appeared to be. Her tears had halted leaving dry, visible track marks running down her cheeks. She watched resignedly as he seemed to gather himself and slowly took a sitting position beside her. She looked at him, but was too tired to discern anything and quickly gave up the advantage that seeing could provide and closed her heavy, pained eyes and leaned back against the wall.

They sat like that for what seemed like hours; her trying to shut out the world and him staring ahead fixedly knowing his world was encompassed in the woman sitting beside him.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we luv," Cal said finally nudging her slightly in the shoulder with his arm.

Gillian opened her eyes. She debated not responding to the non-subtle icebreaker, but decided that she was kidding herself if she thought she could excise Cal from her life and come out the better for it. They were irreversibly an integral part of each other's lives and she knew that they would ultimately have to come to a truce. But there was no way in hell she was going to make it easy for him. He had crossed a line, and she could not overlook that. But was she truly considering forgiving it?

Gillian sighed. Friendship with Cal came with a price, associating with his sometimes abrasive personality and tunnel vision were only a fraction of it. She knew he had no intention to hurt her, but dammit she was going to demand a lifetime of chocolate and gratitude for this!

"Yeah, we are a pair" she said looking at him and Cal smiled slightly acknowledging the meaning behind her words.

"I swear Gil, I will do everything and anything to be worthy of your trust but you have to understand that I can't let go of what I learned," Cal said seriously, praying that she would let him in.

"I've let go Cal, why can't you?"

"Because it's you, darling" he answered passionately as if it was all he needed to say and all she needed to know.

X

TBC…


	10. Chapter 10

Gillian entered her office precariously balancing the manila folders that detailed the Martinez case. She only had a few notes she had to touch up before she would hand over the case file to the district attorney's office. The trial date was fast approaching and Gillian was relishing the time when this case would go to rest. This case was testing her limits both mentally and physically. Listening to Katelyn's accounts of abuse was bad enough in of itself, but she was straining to maintain her composure as her _own _painful memories kept surfacing especially during the quiet hours of the night. Not to mention she was ready to strangle Cal. His constant sympathetic gazes, his constant need to ask her how she was doing and feeling, the apologetic gestures and walking on eggshells…she was trying to bury her past and he was impatiently waiting for her to finally crack and spill all her secrets.

Gillian sighed. On her desk was a cup of coffee next to a pudding cup. Another one of Cal's peace offerings that had been arriving on her desk every day since she had extended an oh-so-fragile olive branch to him.

"Hello, luv" Cal's voice suddenly flittered through the room.

"Good morning Cal" she answered back despondently. Her eyes shut automatically in frustration, as she felt Cal's predictable "Are you okay, luv?" wash over her in response to her tone.

"I'm fine Cal," Gillian spat back. Cal's eyes quickly widened in shock before he looked away swallowing his pain at once again being shut out.

Gillian consciously softened her voice, "Look, I know you car e about me Cal, I really do but I can't take this anymore". She ran her hand through her hair wondering if this time her message was going to stick when all previous attempts had not. When she saw that Cal's response to this was only to look at her pitifully like a stray dog begging for scraps of food, she relented throwing her hands out in resignation. "You know what, fine. Ask me what you want to ask me Cal, I'm too tired to keep up this game with you."

Cal looked at her, knowing that while it hurt him to see her so worn-out he needed answers to be able to sleep at night. Plus, he felt like this hurdle in their friendship wouldn't be passed until he did ask his questions. He decided to start off on what seemed to him a pretty innocuous question.

"Why did you change your name?"

Gillian gestured them over to the couch in her office and settled in (and braced herself) before she answered.

"It was enough to keep my identity and move on from my past," short and to the point-_maybe I can handle this. _

"It seems more like hiding to me" _Then again…_

"Is it so wrong to hide, when what your hiding from is terrifying" Cal's eyes softened at that.

"So you haven't told anyone. No one knows...not even Alec?" his tone was curious, but his eyes darkened slightly at the mention of Gillian's ex-husband. Gillian sighed, she had thought that when her divorce had become finalized that the animosity between Cal and Alec would go away but it just seemed like Cal had become more open about it.

"He found out about some of it, it was inevitable"

"Found out? Did he force you to tell him?" Cal was now angry and a bit slow in realizing the hypocrisy of his words.

"No, Cal he didn't force me" Gillian was being patient with him, why he deserved it he had no idea. Cal wondered whether Gillian had just been born a saint, because her childhood had definitely not been conducive to sprouting any goodness, let alone the angel she was. "He saw the scars". Scars. Plural. Cal swallowed uncomfortably, and Gillian reading his face brought her hand up to his shoulder, as a means of reassurance he supposed. Reassurance that he should be providing her with, not the other way around.

"You know, I've always wondered whether I was a bad influence on you. Thought I was contaminating you. I wonder…If I go to the edge, place the wrong bet, play the wrong hand, push just a tad too hard, will you go to the edge with me …or over? Cause luv, I don't think I could take it if it was me that caused you to experience that fall, I_ need_ you to be safe and pure and" he cleared his throat"…recent discoveries have only made me feel more undeserving of you than before."

"Oh Cal, have you always felt this way?"

"Can't help it luv," Cal hesitated slightly before softly asking "Will you show me them?"

"Cal…" The reluctance was evident. He could see that she wanted to scream no, and he hated that he was the one bringing up the pain that she had run away from.

"Please" his voice was even softer and gentler than before if possible. Gillian nervously tugged at her shirt.

"I don't…I can't" She stuttered and stumbled-she could feel the walls crushing in. She hated the feeling of being confined, cornered.

"Do you trust me luv?"

"How can you even ask that? You-I've trusted you more than anyone else, how could" she stopped as his hand cupped her cheek. He could see her eyes glancing up at him, and he slowly leaned in. They were a breath apart his hand still on her cheek, his thumb caressing her face, and his other hand ventured to her hip. She was so warm, he could feel her blood pulsing through her body. His eyes met hers and it was the longest moment of his life. It was a test. Gillian broke the connection and looked down. Had he failed. No sooner had the thought entered his mind her arms had encircled his neck and her head was buried in the crook of his shoulder. His arms reciprocated her movement and he affectionately placed a kiss in her hair.

"I'm not ready, Cal. I-" He could feel a hot tear on his neck.

"shhh, it's alright luv"

"I'm sorry, I just can't"

"Nothing to apologize for luv. I'll wait however long you need, hell I'll still be here for you even if you're never ready. You got that luv, I'm never, never leaving you, okay?" A slight tremor ran through her body, and he squeezed her tighter to himself.

"Okay," she breathed out and pulled back. "What's your next question?" she asked determinedly looking him in the eye.

X

TBC…


	11. Chapter 11

"All rise"

The bailiff bellowed customarily and everyone in the courtroom obediently stood as the Judge entered from behind the bench. "The honorable judge Larson presiding. Take your seats and come to order." Gillian breathed out slowly as the jury filed in and the trial began.

Alexander Martinez had charges of drug manufacturing and cultivation, drug trafficking, extortion, and racketeering pending in a separate court case, but as per Judge Larson's ruling at a preliminary hearing, a separate trial was being held to try Alexander Martinez and his wife Maria Martinez for several counts of child abuse including child endangerment and sexual abuse of a minor. The latter was the trial that Gillian was observing patiently as the prosecution and defense laid out their arguments.

Alexander and Maria Martinez had decided to form a united front, and the defense argued that parents have a right to discipline their children, that surely this set of devoted parents couldn't be capable of committing the acts they were accused of, and that these charges must be the result of a false accusation by their poor daughter who must have been coerced into lying.

The prosecution presented Katelyn's medical history and testimony from concerned teachers and neighbors and the lead investigator of the case to argue that the Martinez's had strayed far from the acceptable boundaries of discipline. Character witnesses were brought forth to discuss Alexander's volatile nature.

Cal, Gillian, and Ria watched the trial struggling to restrain themselves from standing up and pointing out lies as they saw them. Cal's knuckles had turned white as his hands griped the bench they were sitting on with increasing strength and Ria was muttering something about a broken system under her breath that Gillian couldn't quite catch. She, herself, anxiously kept running her hands over her thighs smoothing out her skirt compulsively as she waited for her turn to be called as a witness.

The trial seemed to painfully push forward and Gillian was finding herself increasingly entrenched within the confines of her mind. She was so intent on mentally rehearsing her testimony and reminding herself that this case wasn't _especially_ personal (because every case involving a child was personal) to her (that she had put her own demons to rest) that she jumped slightly as Cal gripped her hand and squeezed comfortingly whispering "Good luck, luv".

Gillian took in a deep breath, stood up and straightened her skirt once more. "Don't need it," she replied just as quietly to Cal putting up her chin in familiar defiance.

Cal had his worries, but chose to let it slide and smiled faintly, "Of course not".

X

"Dr. Foster, so it is your testimony that Katelyn Ramirez was abused by her father?"

"Yes, I believe Katelyn has been abused for a prolonged period of time, the abuse only increased in magnitude after her father's illegal business ventures took off"

"Dr. Foster have you ever been abused?" Gillian recoiled slightly into her seat in surprise. Cal sat up in his seat, concerned with the flash of fear that had followed the question and the tension suddenly visible in her defensive posture. Cal wondered at the sudden change in the defense's tactics. The prosecution had already put Katelyn's taped interview into evidence and the questions up to this point had been strictly standard with the defense attorney trying to build up doubt by exaggerating technicalities and pointing out possibilities of misinterpretation.

"Objection! Relevance?" The prosecutor bolted out of his chair.

"Goes to the credibility of the witness, your Honor"

"Overruled," at the look of the prosecutor the judge continued, "but get to the point counselor. I don't want this to be an opportunity for you to dig; you had your chance at discovery at the probable cause hearing".

Defense Attorney Samantha Walsh turned back towards the witness chair.

"We're you ever abused by your father, Dr. Foster" Gillian looked helplessly at the district attorney, but he only nodded his head in the negative; Gillian was out on her own. Gillian crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to dispel her vulnerability.

"Dr. Foster, answer the question. Were you ever abused by your father? Yes or No?" Walsh demanded.

"Yes" Gillian answered with as much courage she could muster and was pleased when her voice came out steady and strong.

Faintly, Gillian noticed both Cal and Ria lean forward in their seats. _Great this is exactly how I wanted to tell people of my past: mandated by a judge and in open court no less. _

For a split second, Gillian was offered the comfort of clutching the necklace encircling her neck. Her brother had given it to her when she had received her certification in psychology. The memory was vivid. Robbie had handed her a jewelry box, which she had hesitantly opened after deciding that he indeed should have. She had gasped when her eyes had captured the shimmer of light blue-green teardrop sapphire crystal connected to three silver chain elements that linked it to delicate silver chain necklace. She had looked up, her eyes shining in wonder and exposing the innocence that she had somehow maintained despite her childhood. "What-" she had uttered in her surprise. He had answered with a "We're free Gillian, we've broken the chain" spoken with pride. She had looked back down at the necklace, gently running her fingers over the chain elements, sighing with the thought that it was symbolic. They **had** broken the chain of abuse. At the time they both had finished college and had started on successful career paths that aimed to help people. She was a psychologist, he a firefighter. They were both dating, planning on getting married, starting families of their own.

They hadn't succumbed to their past, but then again, Gillian thought, they hadn't confronted it either. Guess that moment had come now, Gillian thought bitterly. Nevertheless, she had accepted the gift, and now the crystal now felt cool laying on her chest and offered no protection.

"Did your father ever sexually abuse you Dr. Foster?" Gillian was roughly torn from her maudlin thoughts.

More memories assaulted her mind, leaving her breathing heavily. Her mind shot to one night in high school when her sense of safety had been thoroughly shattered.

She had been tossing and turning all night, frustrated as she had changed positions with no relief. Sleep had eluded her-just an inch out of her fingers grasp. It had been the night before her first day of high school, a new opening for anonymity in her mind. The high school catered to a much larger district-all her classmates wouldn't also be neighbors. Sympathetic looks and invasive questions would no longer have followed her movements; she would've been just another freshman with eyes set on freedom. She had turned once more, beating her pillow into submission, and just as her vision had started to fade into black surrender, she had been immediately brought to full awareness at the slamming of the front door.

Gone had been the desire for a comfortable position and she had silently willed herself to be still and had attempted to regulate her breathing into an even tempo.

It had taken her everything she had to not have lost her composure when the click of her bedroom door had registered in her mind. Heavy, uneven footsteps had approached her, and the bed had dipped under His weight. He had silently run a hand over her face; she had no doubt that he had felt the trembling of her muscles. He had called her his "little angel" which transitioned into "M-my good little guurl" when his touch got harder. She had only swallowed then as his hands drifted lower across her body in a clumsy line. By the time she was "daddy's little girl", she had unfortunately heard the recognizable depression in vocal tone and detected the liquor. Her eyes had squeezed shut, and hot, soundless tears had managed to escape from behind her fortress. Things hadn't gone past the clumsy touches, but she had decided that night that she would never reconcile with her father.

"Did your father ever sexually abuse you, Dr. Foster?" Walsh repeated. Gillian took small comfort in seeing shame and disgust pass over the attorneys face at her own cross-examination.

"Define sexual abuse, counselor" Gillian couldn't help the contempt at Walsh's title. She was not going to let Walsh turn her into a porcelain doll, capable of shattering into a thousand pieces, with information that she wasn't even supposed to have.

"Did he rape you?"

"No" her tone was fierce, biting.

"But he did touch you?"

"Yes" Gillian answered coldly; shame evident in her features much to Cal's dismay. Ria looked shocked and confused, probably wondering how she missed it.

"So, it wouldn't be wrong to say that you see a part of yourself in Katelyn," Walsh construed.

Gillian swallowed before carefully answering, "It wouldn't be wrong to say that I can relate to Katelyn more strongly than some other psychologists but that doesn't-"

Walsh quickly interrupted, "So you agree that it is possible that you are projecting your own experiences onto Katelyn?"

TBC…

XXX

Thank you to all of the people that are still reading this story! I'm considering putting some flashbacks to Cal and Gillian's question and answer session in the next chapter but I'm not sure if I should since I kinda like the idea of everyone filling out the blanks how they want… so please let me know your opinion on that (review!) Hope you enjoyed the update and, again, please review! Thanks :D


	12. Chapter 12

Walsh quickly interrupted, "So you agree that it is possible that you are projecting your own experiences onto Katelyn?"

"No, I do not"

"You don't think it's possible that when you see Katelyn you are seeing what you wish someone had seen in you when you were young?"

"That is not what has occurred, counselor" again Gillian emphasized the woman's title with scorn. "It is an insult to my professionalism to imply that I can't distinguish between my own…experiences and another's".

"So this case hasn't brought forth any painful memories?" Walsh continued to dig.

"That's not what I'm saying-"

"So your objectivity has been compromised" Walsh said nodding to herself in agreement in clear view of the courtroom paying no mind to Gillian's indignation. "No more questions your honor." Walsh concluded and Gillian closed her mouth with obvious reluctance.

The prosecutor stepped up and began his questioning. Gillian stayed focused enough to answer the questions and executed some much needed damage control, but her mind was drifting. Walsh's words had struck a nerve. _You don't think it's possible that when you see Katelyn you are seeing what you wish someone had seen in you when you were young? _Did she wish that someone had looked at her when she was young and taken a stand? She knew that as a kid she had resented being looked at with pity, like a charity case. She could take care of her brother and herself, she didn't need anybody. But she couldn't help but to also remember the bitterness and disappointment she felt every time someone gave up on them.

Gillian looked over at Cal, he wasn't giving up. He smiled at her and the corners of her lips twitched upward briefly. She took a deep calming breath, letting the prosecutors questions wash over her. Her answers were concise and crisp. She stepped down from the witness stand and walked out of the courtroom as a brief recess was called. She went over and sat on a bench in the corridor that was near invisible to the people exiting the courtroom. She needed some time to herself to get her thoughts in order. Her mind of course drifted to Cal and she could just imagine his smirk if he knew.

She sighed. _Cal._

Cal knowing what she had gone through took the edge off the loneliness she had felt since childhood. Sure she had had good friends and still did, but she had always held back. She didn't want anyone to treat her like porcelain and didn't want anyone to think that she was dependent on their support. Alec had learned about a lot of her past, but she had always hesitated to share the full story and the full weight of the emotional baggage she carried. She had always worried that unloading her history onto him would ruin his already precarious balance and tip him back into using. She couldn't do that to him, and it seems like Alec knew she was protecting him and trusted that she would share everything she felt she needed to. At the time, she had been appreciative. How Alec had never pushed her, never forced her to push herself…But now she wondered whether the unspoken words had created a barrier. Alec had never truly known her, their relationship had lacked that honesty and trust. Gillian looked back up at Cal. Cal knew her and understood her. He had realized that although it was silent search, she had been looking for someone to demand to see all of her. Someone to give her the push she hadn't been able to find within herself. Cal hadn't shied away from her history and seemed adamant about sticking around.

And speak of the devil, Cal was heading straight towards her as if they had prearranged to meet. Ria was trailing behind him absently as the gears turned relentlessly in her mind. Gillian was a little guilty to admit that she was a bit smug that the wind had been knocked from beneath Ria's sails.

Gillian stood up as they approached and melted into Cal's embrace when he opened his arms expectantly.

"You did great, darling," Cal whispered with pride. Gillian only sighed in response, she was exhausted.

Ria opened up her mouth twice but to no avail, she didn't know what to say. She still didn't know how she missed it, but realized that she would need to apologize later. For now, she knew that the best thing she could do for Gillian was give her some time with Cal. So she quickly mumbled a "I'm going back to the office. Call if you need anything" and left unnoticed.

Gillian reluctantly relinquished her hold on Cal, instantly missing his warmth. Gillian fumbled for something to say, but Cal beat her to it.

"So are you a natural then, luv? Cause you were quite fast in the uptake if I remember correctly."

Gillian smiled at the obvious distraction and blushed a little, "In a way."

Cal thought it was cute how Foster was so modest.

"Voice analysis" he stated knowing he was right.

"Yeah, my dad, the military had taught him how to hid emotions, you know put up a face devoid of emotion, not betray any weaknesses to the enemy. Growing up, it was his voice that betrayed his actions not his face." Cal nodded.

"How about we get out of here, luv?"

"Cal, what about the rest of the trial?"

"We'll come back for the verdict, we don't need to listen through the rest."

Gillian realized it was more than he didn't want _her _to listen through the rest, but she was done putting up defenses and this one time she decided to surrender to his will. She would go back to bossing _him _around tomorrow.

"Alright"

"How about we go over to my house for dinner, I'll cook," he said with a smile.

"Emily-"

"is at her mom's," Cal quickly interrupted. "Come on, Foster."

"Dinner at your place it is," she said and smiled back.

XXXXX

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, you guys make my day


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